Saturday, April 19, 2014

A Haunted House 2 review by Mandi Mayhemm

I think what I love the most about Marlon Wayans is that he is NOT afraid to get his hands dirty while filming .Like, Literally. In the first five minutes of the movie, he buries himself along with his dog, Shiloh Jr, whom he just tried to revive with an air pump after it was flattened by a giant safe.
A Haunted House 2 is a parody of some of the most recent popular horror movies. Filmed in the same Paranormal Activity style as the first, this time its central theme combined the plots of Sinister and The Conjuring.
To loosely tie up old ends with the first movie, we begin by following Malcom (Marlon Wayans) and his spazzy cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crocket) driving Malcom's knocked-out, possessed ex-girlfriend to the hospital. After Kisha breathes her funky hell-breath  into Ray-Ray's face, he goes unconscious and crashes into a truck (the ending of The Devil Inside). The cousins miraculously survive and ditch her crazy behind.
Marlon quickly moves on. A year later, he is married to, and buying a home with, white girl Megan (Jamie Pressly) and her two children. As in the first film, the entity instantly kills the dog, sending Malcom into a hilarious meltdown that lasts a good four minutes. Easily one of the highlights of the movie, which sounds horrible, I know, but ya gotta trust me on this.
Next, we go on to spoof the uber creepy doll from the Conjuring, who btw, has seriously mastered the art of the Selfie! Brace yourselves: Marlon Wayans naked booty is coming... for a good five minutes. He gets all types of sweaty for some repeated sexy time with the inanimate Abigail. Side note: I'm super stoked that I didn't have to awkwardly share an arm rest with a stranger. Malcom was SERIOUSLY all about this doll!
Enter neighbor Miguel (Gabriel Inglesias aka Fluffy) who provided the audience with a multitude of racial stereotypical humor. ("Would you trust a SMITH to mow your lawn?!?!")
The two quickly become friends and his later attempts to assist with the haunting were awesome.
After reviewing a particular, erm, "home movie", and seeing the doll voyeuristically turn its head to watch them in the video, he then finds a box of filmstrips (ala Sinister) that reveal the previous homeowners dying at the hands of a very inept demon named Ahgoul. I kept thinking to myself, "Oh my glob, this would TOTALLY be me if I was a demon!" Aghoul tried to hang the first family from a tree, but the rope broke. He tried to drown the second family in a pool, but their chairs wouldn't sink. Then he tried to burn someone in a car, but he ends up lighting HIMSELF up while trying to look like a badass for the camera. Derptitude at its finest, folks.
Meanwhile, Megan's daughter has become attached to the mysterious box she found in the house, and it amusingly releases moths ala The Possession. Between that and her son talking to his gangster imaginary friend, Megan still doesn't believe Malcom that something is up. He enlists the help of the priest from the first movie (Cedric the Entertainer) with an extremely brief mocking of The Last Exorcism. The "demons" in the  windows just turn out to be church women in big hats, complaining about Malcom hookin up with a white chick. Cedric, to me, just wasn't that funny. And he was equally effective at helping out. Womp womp.
Miguel thankfully returns to save the laughter by offering a chicken as a blood  sacrifice. I don't wanna give anything away, but it ends with a really big mess and chicken and waffles. ::smiley face::
A Haunted House dives right back into The Conjuring again, this time brining the mildly racist and sexually frustrated paranormal duo, Ned and Noreen. Noreen throws on a gas mask, but instead of using it to talk to the dead as in the memorable session of the movie Insidious, she instead uses it to hit a bong. Malcom joins in, wanting to go to The Further.
The movie loses some steam again, as Cedric has reappeared. But all in all, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. I wasn't alone. The rest of the audience erupted with laughter throughout the entire duration of the film. Rotten Tomatoes, however, must have been watching an entirely different film for THEIR review. They maintain that the movie was abhorrent... they rated it at a crippling 8%. EIGHT. What?!?
Whatever. It cracked me up from start to finish. My final verdict: If you have any sense of humor at all, or if you had a bad day and you need a little HaHa in your life, go see A Haunted House 2.

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